I was thinking today about how things have changed since I first got into this business in 1987. First of all, there was no internet dating because there was no internet. It is hard to believe we actually lived our lives without it. Internet dating forever changed the face of dating, as it did many other things. Having watched it slowly evolve from the very beginning into the explosion and pollution it has become today, here are some of my observations:
1) Multiple divorces. In 1987 it was sometimes difficult to match someone who was divorced twice. The comment I would often hear was “What’s wrong with them?” Today, people with multiple divorces are very common. I know many clients, friends and acquaintances that have been divorced three or more times. I attribute this increase in large part to the internet. Gone are the days of being limited by your location. You can meet people all over the world and there are people who literally fly all over the country and world to meet someone they connected with on the internet whom they hope will have romance potential. When it comes to affairs of the heart it seems the more options people have the more likely they are to make mistakes. Often times through no fault of their own other than they believed someone who lied to them. There is no accountability when you meet someone you don’t know, nor do you know anyone else who knows them. The biggest problem with online dating today is that there are more people on there who have learned how to take advantage of the people who are sincerely looking to meet someone special.
2) Serial daters. People who are on numerous internet dating sites and have been for years. They enjoy the game. Endless possibilities, maybe the next one will be someone more attractive, smarter, thinner, taller or richer. They enjoy the meeting. They get to talk about themselves and have a captive audience. They are entertained. It’s better than having nothing else to do and if it doesn’t work out they go home and get back on their computer. Or even if it does work, they go home and get back on their computer.
3) Fear of marriage. People know they don’t want to get divorced more than they know they want to be married. They have experienced their mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, co-workers, aunts, uncles go through a divorce and they don’t want it to happen to them. A lady recently told me she would have bet her life that her sister and brother-in-law would never have divorced but they did. Marriage is not the preferred option it used to be. Living together or maintaining separate residences while staying in long term, committed relationships has become the preferred option for many people in their 50’s and older.
4) Waiting longer to start a family. It does not surprise me anymore to interview someone in their late 30’s to mid 40’s who is still undecided about whether or not they want to have children. At some point they don’t have the luxury of thinking about it anymore, or waiting for it to get to the top of their priority list and yet they seem to be in no hurry.
5) Declining religion scores. Religion is one of the six areas of compatibility on the Profile test. I have worked with this test for 27 years and in the last four or five years I have continued to notice that people’s religion scores are steadily declining.
The good news is that people are getting serious about finding the right person sooner rather than later and doing what they can to avoid a divorce. 25 years ago I had the most activity in the 50’s. Today I have the most activity in the 40’s and I can see it going into the 30’s. Choosing a life partner is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. Not getting married to avoid a divorce is not the answer. Marrying the right person so you don’t end up divorced is the answer.
Happy Labor Day weekend! Summer is technically over and fall is upon us. This is a great time to make your personal a priority and check out Perfectly Matched. You can start by taking the Profile test on the homepage of my website www.perfectlymatcheddating.com or call me at 719-260-1000.