Dear Donna,
I have been widowed for almost two years. I loved my wife dearly and miss her everyday. Everyone keeps telling me I need to start dating. Friends have introduced me to a couple of nice ladies but I was not attracted to them. The idea of dating does not appeal to me but I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.
How can I be sure if I am ready to date? Tom
Dear Tom,
Generally speaking, they say it takes one month for every year you were married or in a relationship to get back into the right frame of mind to be emotionally available to move on.
One way to help you determine whether or not you are ready to start dating is to ask yourself “Would I want to meet someone who is in the same place emotionally as I am right now?” If the answer is “no” you are probably not ready.
However, sometimes there is a fine line between when you are ready and when meeting new ladies can help you move on.
You might also feel more positive about dating when you meet someone you find more attractive.
Dear Donna,
I met someone new and after three fabulous dates I was very discouraged when he told me he was also dating someone else. He assured me he enjoys his time with me and wants to keep seeing me and get to know me better.
We have another date planned but I don’t feel comfortable dating him when he is dating someone else.
Should I just stop dating him or tell him I don’t want to date him if he is going to continue to date someone else? Linda
Dear Linda,
Neither.
It is premature to expect him to be exclusive with you after just three dates and if you stop dating him you will never know what might have happened.
Go on your next date and have another fabulous time and keep it on a friendship basis until you know more about his situation.
If he has a intimate relationship with this other person that would be a showstopper for most people but he may only have gone out with her a couple times and decide he enjoys your company more than hers.
You should also keep your options open to meeting other men.
While you are working on a friendship and getting to know someone I think it is appropriate to keep your options open.
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