Dear Donna: July 23, 2021

Dear Donna,

I have been in a relationship for four years.
Two years ago we were engaged and one year ago we moved in together with plans to marry this fall.

I thought our relationship was solid as a rock and I was very surprised when he told me he wants us to meet with an attorney to discuss a prenuptial agreement.

I do not see the need for a prenuptial agreement. Neither of us have been married or have children.
He feels we should keep for ourselves what we come into the marriage with as far as assets and debt and share the assets and debt that we accumulate during the marriage should we get divorced.

I already feel like I am going through a divorce. Should I get my own attorney? Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Many people seem to “save” the financial part of “how is this all going to work if things don’t work out” for last, or never have the conversation at all.
That is probably how prenuptial agreements evolved.
If this is about money and assets you should both talk to a CPA then you might not need two different attorneys.

He is basically saying “I will show you mine if you will show me yours”.
Full disclosure is a good thing if you are planning on sharing your life together.
Instead of feeling uncomfortable, I encourage you to look at this as an opportunity to know exactly where you both stand before you marry. Donna

Dear Donna,

I have been emailing, texting and talking with a lady I met online for more than two months and we met for the first time last week.
We developed a real friendship over the course of the last two months.
We exchanged pictures and I was attracted to her picture.
Unfortunately when I met her I was not attracted to her.

Since we met she has let me know how much she enjoyed our meeting and she wants to get together again.
She told me I was the person she has been looking for and praying to meet.
I don’t want to lead her on but I also don’t want to hurt her feelings.
I could still be her friend but I know I could never be romantic with her.

I have been making excuses as to why I have not been able to see her again but I can only do that for so long.
What do you think is the best way to handle this/? Kevin

Dear Kevin,

Honesty is the best policy.

She probably has a feel for the fact that you are not interested considering you keep making excuses to not see her.
You don’t want to hurt her feelings but the longer you put it off the harder it will be.
The kindest thing to say is that you can still be her friend but you don’t feel the chemistry or spark to pursue dating.

For future reference, if you connect with someone online don’t get involved in emailing, texting and talking until you meet them and know if you are attracted to each other.
It has to be there and it has to be mutual.
As you have just discovered, it is much harder to say you are not interested when you invest hours communicating before you meet.

Don’t rely on a picture to decide if you are attracted to someone.
A picture is no substitute for meeting in person and people will often send pictures of themselves that are overly flattering. Donna