Dear Donna,
How do you learn to trust again? And again? Twice now I have given my heart to two women I truly expected to spend the rest of my life with. I thought I had all my bases covered the second time around and I still got blindsided. Now every time I meet someone and she says what a nice guy I am, or how attractive I am, or how she can’t wait to see me, I think “I’ve heard that before” and it sounds like déjà vu all over again. How do I get past this? Mark
Dear Mark,
I don’t know how long your relationship lasted but basically it takes about one month for every year you were in a relationship to get in the right frame of mind to move one. Of course, the person who chooses to end the relationship usually has an easier time moving on than the person who did not want it to end. Ask yourself if you are in the right frame of mind to meet someone new. Would you want to meet a lady who is in the same place as you are emotionally? You don’t want to make everyone guilty by association the minute they say or do something your ex did, it could be coming from a very different place. You might need some more time before you try to start dating again.
Dear Donna,
I have been dating a man for a few months and I liked that we were taking it slow and getting to know each other as friends. On our last date he told me he thinks we should be exclusive and not date other people. I told him I was not dating anyone else but I am not ready to be exclusive. He said I must not be as interested in him as he is in me and if I cannot agree to being exclusive he wants to stop seeing me. I told him I needed some time to think about it and he told me to call him when I make up my mind. Then he left and I have not heard from him in a week. I am disappointed but reluctant to reach out to him because I still can’t say I want to be exclusive. Should I just let him go? Nancy
Dear Nancy,
Probably. Anyone who puts you in a position of “do this or else” is not being fair, or considerate of your feelings. He drew the line in the sand, left and has not connected with you in a week. I would not reach out to him and if he does not contact you, that’s it. If he does contact you, I suggest you meet personally to discuss it, no texting or email. Eyeball to eyeball and you might both learn something that will benefit you as you continue to date. Your lesson here could be to not allow anyone to put you in a place of “do this or else”.