Dear Donna,
I have been dating a man for about three months. He is the nicest, most considerate man I have met in a long, long time. We have great conversations, laugh a lot and get along great.
I really like him but I don’t feel an attraction for him. I have tried to talk myself into being attracted to him because he would be exactly the type of person I would like to have in my life.
He is starting to let me know how much he cares about me and I don’t know how to tell him I don’t feel the same way. Do you think if I hang in there I might eventually find him attractive? Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Most of my clients will say they have to be attracted to someone or else they are not inspired to be romantic.However, physical attraction is in the eye of the beholder.
Generally speaking, if you do not feel any spark or chemistry after you have spent time with someone three to six times, it is probably not there.
I have seen people try to talk themselves into being attracted to someone for the same reason as you, they really like the other person. It rarely works.
As long as you look forward to spending time with him, hang in there.
But be fair to him and put yourself in his position. If you knew you were becoming more emotionally invested in someone and they were not feeling the same way about you, wouldn’t you want to know sooner rather than later?
Dear Donna,
I am divorced and starting to date again. I am amazed at how many men I have met who have multiple divorces.
I have only been married once and I cannot understand how someone can be divorced two, three, four times.
I want to eventually be married again but I don’t want to be wife number three, four or five. Should I avoid men who have multiple divorces? Kelly
Dear Kelly,
Unfortunately multiple divorces are very common today.
When I got into the dating business 34 years ago if someone was divorced more than once people would wonder what was wrong with that person.
The internet changed all that. It has created an environment of serial daters who are always looking for the grass to be greener on the other side.
Multiple choices leads to multiple partners, leads to multiple divorces.
You have only been married once so it will feel more compatible to you if a man has also been married just once, but you might be limiting yourself if you eliminate all men who have been divorced more than once.
It only takes one person to want a divorce.
Listen to his story before you make it a show stopper.