Dear Donna,
I have been seeing a man for a couple of months and we have had about a dozen dates.
I like everything about him but he talks too much. He thinks he is a great conversationalist, and he is to a point, but he is a terrible listener.
When I am talking he often interrupts me or immediately takes my story and relates it to something he has experienced. I can almost feel him waiting for me to stop talking so he can talk again.
What is a nice way to tell him to please shut up and listen? Wendy
Dear Wendy,
My guess is he has been told before that he talks too much.
I experience this with my clients. If it takes me 30 minutes, instead of five or ten to book an appointment, I know I have a talker.
They very often think of themselves as great conversationalist but a great conversationalist knows how to keep the conversation balanced, as opposed to monopolizing it.
"Shut up and listen" is really all anyone has to do to be a good listener but you might be a little more tactful and tell him you would appreciate it if he would be more aware of keeping the conversation balanced and allow you to participate in more of it.
Good luck! It's a hard habit to break.
Dear Donna,
I have been widowed for three years after a very long term marriage and find myself in a familiar situation.
I am dating a lady I am attracted to, we get along great, I am excited to get to know her better and after the fourth or fifth date I find myself comparing her to my wife and feeling like backing off because I cannot see long term potential.
I keep hitting this brick wall where I know I don't want to be alone but I cannot seem to make it work with some incredibly wonderful ladies. John
Dear John,
If you are trying to decide in four or five dates if someone has long term potential, you are putting way too much pressure on yourself and the lady you are dating.
You are doing exactly what you should be doing at this time in your relationship history; dating, having fun, making friends and establishing a basis of comparison by meeting different ladies.
Lighten up, relax, focus on having fun and making friends. The next time you find yourself backing off stop and remind yourself this lady might just be a friend. Wherever it goes, it starts with a friendship.