Dear Donna: May 17th, 2018

Dear Donna,

A man I have been dating for about two months invited me to join him on a trip to San Francisco. I would like to go but we are not intimate and I don’t feel comfortable sharing a room with him. I told him I would love to go but I would want to have my own room. He tried to talk me into a room with two beds but I am not comfortable with that either. He agreed to book another room, and then he asked me to pay for it. I said I would but now I am having second thoughts. Do you think I should pay for my own room? Glenda

Dear Glenda,

I think it is probably too soon to take a trip with him under these circumstances, depending on the expectations each of you might have about this trip. Are you going to be resentful about paying for your room? Is he going to be resentful that you are not willing to share a room with him? Is he thinking there might be intimacy and you are not? The two of you should have a conversation about your expectations and see if they are compatible before you take the trip. Don’t wait until you get to San Francisco to talk about it.

Dear Donna,

Apparently I have fallen in love with a married woman. We have been seeing each other for several months and she never told me she was married. She said I never asked and I didn’t, because there was nothing about her lifestyle that would have indicated to me she was married. She does not have kids and we spent a ton of time together, her place and mine.
Her husband lives in another state and is not a part of her life. She said it was too complicated to get a divorce and neither one of them was motivated to do it. I am not sure how to handle this. Ramon

Dear Ramon,

I think most couples who have been dating for several months and spent “a ton of time together” would have had the conversation about past relationships, and certainly past marriages. I do think it is a little odd that it never came up in conversation but unless it changes the way you feel about her, you don’t have to do anything. If she is also in love with you she might be motivated to do something about it in the future.