Dear Donna,
Recently I met a man and we had two dates that I enjoyed. A couple of days after the second date he let me know that he ran into a lady he had dated briefly a year ago and they decided to give it another try.
He said it felt like a conflict to reconnect with her and also try to get to know me better. I said I understood but I was disappointed because I liked him.
Three weeks later he is letting me know that did not work out and he wants to know if we could get together again.
I am not sure if I should. I feel like I am his second choice and that does not feel good.
What do you think? Stacy
Dear Stacy,
Why not get together again?
You liked him and it is probably worth one more date to hear what he has to say about it.
You could also look at this from another perspective. He was upfront with you about meeting this other lady and feeling like it was a conflict to continue to get to know you at the same time. I would give him some credit for that.
Obviously he was not just blowing you off or he would not be wanting to reconnect with you.
All you are agreeing to is going out with him one more time.
If you don’t do it, you will never know.
If you do meet again and something develops it will make a great story.
Dear Donna,
I have been dating a lady for six weeks. We have had about a dozen dates and everything has been great.
We have taken time to really get to know each other and I respect and admire her on so many levels.
She has invited me to join her at her daughter’s home for Thanksgiving dinner. Just a small family gathering of about 30 people, including her ex-husband. Her ex is remarried and they all get along great and she assures me I will be welcome.
I also want to spend some of Thanksgiving with my family and including her would not be something I would feel comfortable doing at this time.
I hate to disappoint her but I think it is too soon for us to be meeting each other’s families. Doug
Dear Doug,
I agree with you. It is too soon to be meeting each other’s families, especially that many at one time and on a special holiday like Thanksgiving.
The two of you should get to know each other better and agree on when the time is right for both of you to start introducing your families.
I encourage my clients to wait about three months. It takes most people about three months to get relaxed enough to really be themselves and that is when you start to identify the things that do or don’t work.
I also encourage my clients not to be intimate for the first three months for the same reason.
If a relationship is not going to make it, it is usually between the two and three month mark that it ends and I can guarantee you it is much easier to end it if you have not been intimate or gotten your families involved.