Dear Donna: September 19, 2020

Dear Donna,

I am in my late 50’s and divorced twice.
After my second divorce I dated a lady for 10 years and that relationship ended a couple of years ago.

I keep trying to convince myself to get back out there and try to find love again but I have a really comfortable, uncomplicated life now and not sure I want to give that up for the possibility of another failed relationship.

Maybe some people just are not meant to be in relationships and maybe I am one of those people. Do you think that is true? Rob

Dear Rob,

Yes and no.

Yes, because if you think you are not meant to be in a relationship then you probably will not be in a relationship.
And no, because I believe there is someone for everyone.

It is very common when a relationship or marriage ends for people to question themselves and what they did wrong.
The more relationships you have the more likely you are to question yourself but the reality is there most likely is nothing wrong with you except that you were probably not with the right person to begin with.

The simple reason most relationships fail is because most people base their choice on physical attraction and think because the chemistry and attraction are there everything else will fall into place.

This time focus on the things that matter; compatibility, shared interests and activities, similar long term goals. Pay attention to the issues like smoking, drinking, kids, pets, intellectual compatibility, compatible income levels and be mindful that those things are just important as physical attraction.

Start slow and get to know her as a friend first and I strongly recommend no intimacy for the first three months.
Once you are physically involved it takes the focus off the friendship and puts it on the intimacy with someone you barely know.

With this approach you are much more likely to find a more successful relationship. Good luck!

Dear Donna,

I have gone on two dates with a man I like but I am having a hard time deciding if he is interested in me.
After our first date, which I thought went great, he waited two weeks to call me. He said he had been struggling with a sinus infection.

I thought our second date was even better but at the end of the evening he said he was going out of town to visit family and gave no indication as to when he would be back or whether or not he would like to see me again.

He has not complimented me but he seems to be totally enjoying the time we spend together. I am not sure what to make of this. Monica

Dear Monica,

You should leave the ball in his court. If he is interested, he will reach out to you. If and when he calls, you can decide if you want to see him again.

In the meantime, I would encourage you to move on as if you will not hear from him again.
He is not giving you any encouragement and this is not the way someone would typically react if they are interested in getting to know you better.