To say that matchmaking is an emotional business would be an understatement. After 26 years in this business, 23 with Perfectly Matched, I have been able to facilitate and observe thousands of couples from their initial meeting to ultimately deciding they have found the right person. I know all their stories, all their successes and heartaches along the way.
But, it’s different when it happens to you. I recently had a relationship experience I have learned so much from that I am inspired to share my story about what I have learned. All I want to say about the relationship was it lasted five months, I was very emotionally invested in it and he ended it abruptly.
Many of these guidelines are the same ones that I have shared with my clients for years and some of them are the lessons I learned from this relationship.
1) Give physical attraction a chance. Just because someone’s physical appearance does not knock your socks off the first second you see them does not mean you will never be attracted to them. Most people decide in a nano second whether or not they are attracted to someone. Because I choose for people instead of them choosing for themselves, I cannot tell you how many times a client will call me with feedback and say “He (or she) is not someone I probably would have picked for myself but I found him (or her) somewhat attractive.” I have seen and experienced a little spark grow into a genuine, real, lasting physical attraction. My clients have more of an opportunity for that to happen because I have done my best to make a good match. If you are at all on the fence about whether or not you are attracted to someone, see them at least one more time. By the third time, if there is NO spark, it probably will not develop.
2) Keep it on a friendship basis for the first three months. Without a doubt, the couples who follow this one simple rule are the ones who have the most potential for success. Three months is approximately how long it takes most people to get relaxed enough to be themselves, and that is when you will start to identify the things that do or don’t work. Once you are physically involved you are emotionally involved and it takes the focus off the friendship and puts it on the intimacy. The ones that start fast end fast.
3) Listen very carefully in the beginning. When you want to like someone it is easy to not pay attention to the red flags. If something is said or done that you question or it makes you feel uncomfortable, talk about it NOW.
4) Don’t trust too easily. Trust earned can last forever. Trust given too easily can be easily taken away.
5) Stay focused on what is important to you. A good exercise would be to sit down at the end of every month for the first year and do the Ben Franklin thing. Draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper and on one side write down the things that are working for you in this relationship, and on the other side write down the things that are not working for you.
6) Spend an entire year with someone before you do anything as serious as getting engaged, married or moving in together. People can, and often times do, change with the seasons. A relationship that is great in summer could go south in the winter.
7) Never ever end a relationship of any substance over the phone or in an email. Give the other person the respect of meeting face to face. It’s good for closure.
Falling out of love is not easy. Falling in love is wonderful, if it lasts. I hope that these suggestions I am sharing with you will help you fall in love with the right person and help you protect yourself if it is not the right person. Everyone comes into your life for a reason and everyone leaves your life for a reason. I am grateful for the new lessons I learned and the old ones I had to learn again.
My 11 year old grandson made me laugh when he asked about my relationship and I had to tell him it had ended. He was quiet for a couple of minutes and then he said “Should that happen to a Matchmaker?”
It can happen to anyone.
It is all fine now and I am excited that spring, the season of love, romance and new beginnings, is just around the corner.
Call 260-1000 for your no obligation interview and let’s see how many matches I have for you. It only takes one right one!
To be continued……….