March 17, 2012

I did not book any appointments today because the St. Patrick’s Day parade blocks off all the streets around my office and for someone to try to find a parking place would be difficult. Besides, I like to attend the parade. I met my daughter and two grandsons in front of the Ritz and I don’t believe I have ever seen downtown so crowded for a parade. Everyone was probably expecting the warm, sunny weather we have enjoyed for the previous few days and, while it was not as warm or sunny and even looked like it might rain, the temperature was warm enough and it did not rain. Everyone seem to be enjoying themselves, especially the kiddos.

Knowing I would not have any appointments, I went back to the office and spent the rest of the afternoon catching up with phone calls and matching.

My first conversation was with a man who called to tell me he spent three hours on the phone with a lady I matched him with the previous day.
I said “You must not have read my list of Do’s and Don’ts where I suggest you keep the first phone call brief because those conversations can go very differently when you meet in person and know what kind of chemistry and attraction there is for both of you. It can also be more difficult to say you are “not interested” if you have already invested hours in conversation.” It can be such a total waste of time to spend hours talking, emailing or texting someone before you meet them. Cut to the chase, set a time to meet as soon as possible.

My next conversation was feedback from a lady who had her first meeting with her first match.

She said “Initially I thought he was attractive, but after hearing about his gorgeous house, expensive cars, endless trips, and how much he paid for this and that, I was very unimpressed and disinterested. He barely asked me a single question about myself and when he did, he interrupted me before I had a chance to finish responding.

Finally, I just let him go on and on and when he walked me to my car he said he had a great time, and would love to see me again. I asked him to tell me one thing he knew about me from the hour we had just spent together.”

He said “What do you mean?”
I said “You know nothing about me because all you did was talk about yourself, but thank you for walking me to my car.”

Bragging about “stuff” is usually interpreted as a sign of insecurity. No matter how good looking or rich a person might be, the message is “I don’t think you will like me if you don’t know about all my “stuff”.

She said “Even a narcissist has some level of humility.”

Now I will find a very tactful, diplomatic way to share her feedback with him and still get the point across that he talked too much about his “stuff”. What he doesn’t know is that she has just as much “stuff” as he does.

The feedback part of my service is an opportunity to see yourself as others see you, and there is some very valuable and helpful information in the feedback, good and bad. My clients often say they wonder what they are doing wrong, in that they have not met the right person. Sometimes it is just as simple as they have just not yet met the right person, and sometimes it is something like they talk too much about their “stuff”, or whatever the issue might be.

One of my favorite parts of matchmaking is the feedback, and hearing both sides of the story. I look forward to what he has to say about their meeting.

To be continued……..