May 14, 2013

My first appointment today is a lady, early 50’s, divorced, self employed, and her long term goal is marriage.
She said “I loved being married!”
I said “It surprises me how often people who are divorced say they loved being married. I always have to ask, then why are you divorced?”
She said “We were junior high sweethearts, and together all that time until we divorced a few years ago. Things changed as we had kids, and went through all the ups and downs. Most of my marriage was good for many years, but it got to the point that I knew it wasn’t right for me anymore, and he agreed he felt the same way.”

She has had a couple of relationships since being divorced. A friend of hers who met a lady through Perfectly Matched has been encouraging her to call me.
She said “I finally decided to give you a call because I see how happy he has been with the lady you matched him with three years ago.”

When I asked her about her interests and activities she said “This is 100% important, he must like to ride motorcycles.”
I said “I can certainly focus on that, but are you going to eliminate every man who does not have a motorcycle?”
She said “Riding is my passion, and what I do whenever I can. If someone doesn’t ride, we won’t be spending much time together. He has to be at least willing to consider getting a motorcycle if he doesn’t have one.”
She also loves concerts and has a desire to travel to new places.

She said “I should also tell you I am attracted to bad boys.”
I said “Be careful what you ask for.”
She said “I like the rugged look and I like a man who won’t let me walk all over him.”
I said “Should I assume a “bad boy” would treat you badly?”
She said “No, I don’t want that. How about a “naughty boy?”
I said “I get it, no wimps.”
She said “I also like a man who is stocky, but not fat. Someone who is kind of beefy, and I LOVE bald.”
I immediately thought of a client who has a Harley.

He may not qualify as a bad boy, but he is certainly not a wimp.

My second appointment is a man, late 60’s, divorced, educated, and he is not sure about his long term goal. He knows he wants a serious committed relationship, but he is unsure about getting married.
He was reluctant to take the profile test and said he wanted to talk with me first.
I said “We can certainly do that, but I usually start all my interviews by telling you what your scores from this test tell me about you.”
He agreed to take the test and he was very surprised by how much I knew about him based on a 46 question test.

He has only been divorced once and he prefers to meet ladies who have only been divorced once.
I said “I would encourage you not to limit yourself to meeting ladies who have only one divorce. It only takes one person to want a divorce, they may have had no choice, and in this age range it is not uncommon for someone to be divorced twice.”

I was explaining the matching process in that I suggest my clients meet for one hour, not lunch or dinner, and at the end of the meeting they both call with their feedback.
He said “I would rather do lunch or dinner and I don’t understand why the two of us cannot just decide whether or not we want to get together again.”
I said “The feedback from you and on you is what makes this process become more focused and fine tuned, and allows me to get to know you better so I can better match you. Also, some people find it uncomfortable to commit to getting together again on the spot, especially if they are not interested.”
He said “Do all of your clients follow your rules?’
I said “No, only the ones who understand they are paying a professional for a better way to meet the right person.”
He laughed and said “You’re pretty sure of yourself.”
I said “I am sure this works better if you do it the way it is set up to work.”

He said he wanted to think about whether or not this is something he wants to do.

After he left my office he called and asked me if I would test someone for him.
He said “I can see how it would be helpful to know how someone’s scores would compare with mine.”
I said “I am always happy to test someone my clients meet on their own.”
He said “Do I have to be a client for you to do it?”
I said “No, but do you think you might be a client?”
He said “Maybe, I like your test.”

Baby steps.

To be continued………………………………