My first appointment today is a man, mid 50’s, recently divorced, highly educated and his long term goal is marriage. He was in a long term marriage and is just starting to date. However, he works two jobs and also has some of his children still at home. He has primary custody and their mother is not in the picture very much. When he shared his work schedule with me I said “An obvious question is, do you have time to date and have a relationship if you should meet someone?” He said “I will make the time.” When I asked him what he liked to do for fun there was a long pause. He said “Between work and kids my days are very full.” I respect him for being a hard worker and a good father but I could not get him to come up with anything he does for fun. Finally, he said “I would LIKE to hike, bowl, go to baseball games, travel, theater, concerts and plays but I have not done any of that in recent years.” I said “You make a terrific income. Could you afford to let go of the second job?” He said “I could, and I have been thinking about it. I could spend more time with the kids and relax a little more.” I said “And maybe have some fun.” He laughed and said “It is a whole new world and having fun sounds like a good idea.” I said “Your affection score is an “8” on a scale of “0” to “10”, that is a very good sign you might be ready to have some fun.”
My second appointment is a lady, mid 40’s, ABS, a successful small business owner who loves what she does for a living. She said “I would like to find a man who does not mind that I am a workaholic.” I said “How many hours a week do you work?” She said “It can be as little as 20 and as much as 80 hours. I work when I need to work.” I said “From my perspective, it all goes back to compatibility, I will just match you with another workaholic.” She said “Do you have some of those?” I said “Sure, and even if they aren’t a workaholic, I can tell them you work anywhere from 20 to 80 hours a week, that you work when you need to work.” She said “Well, if that doesn’t scare them off I guess we are off to a good start.” I said “They will take one look at you (she is very pretty) and do everything they can to be understanding.” She said “Trust me, that only works to a point.” She is determined to be more aware of being more considerate about how she manages her time in a relationship. Her long term goal is a committed, long term relationship. Marriage could be an option, but certainly not a requirement. She said “I have never avoided marriage. I was never in a relationship where I was inspired to be married, but I SUPPOSE it could happen with the right person.” She is ready to relax and have some more fun and enjoy all that she has worked so hard to achieve. She said “The only thing missing on my “to do” list is finding the right man and money does not motivate me like it used to.” She said her “picker” was broken when it comes to finding the right man so she is going to pay me to use my “picker” for her. She enjoys reading, loves going to book stores, light hiking, CC hockey, the arts, and definitely wants to do some traveling with the right person. She said “Ten years ago I said I wanted to go to the Caribbean and I still haven’t gone. Find me a man who wants to go to the Caribbean.” I said “OK, a workaholic who wants to go to the Caribbean.” She said “You find me the right man and my workaholic days could be numbered.” I said “I am writing that statement down, just in case I ever have to remind you.” She said “Ouch!”
To be continued…….