April 19, 2012

These times, they are a changin’.

I walked out of my office at 6:30 today and a young man said “Can you tell me a good place to go for happy hour?’
He was young, nicely dressed, good looking, and I knew he wasn’t going to ask me for “change”, which is something I get asked for ten times a day downtown from the homeless people.

I said “Sure, come with me. I am going to the Ritz, and on a Thursday night, at this time, it is probably your best bet for any kind of happy hour.”
On the one block walk we introduced ourselves to each other and he said he was meeting a friend later and he had recently moved to Colorado.
I asked him what he did for a living and he said he worked for Merchant Services..
I said “UGH!”
He said “I know, everybody hates us.”
I said “Well, I am a merchant, and every time I turn around there are additional fees for this and that.”
But, long story short, we went to the Ritz and had a VERY interesting conversation.
We started talking about my dating service and he told me he is polyamorus.
I said “What is that?”
He could not believe I was a matchmaker and I did not know what he was talking about.
Google “polyamory”.
This is what you will read: Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
This young man is in his late 20’s and he knows he wants children, but he does not feel marriage is necessary.
He said “Loyalty and commitment matter to me more than love and I am not going to risk half of everything I have accumulated for someone who says they love me.” He thinks marriage is obsolete and makes no sense because women don’t marry for financial security and a man to take care of them. They have their own financial security, and can take care of themselves. Also, just like many young people I interview, so many people he knows are divorced.
He was raised by Italian parents who love him unconditionally.
He said “I could call my parents right now and tell them I am sitting at a bar doing cocaine and they would say, OK, why are you doing that and are you OK?”

Believing that everything happens for a reason, I believe I met him tonight because I need to understand if loyalty and commitment matter more than love, at least we all know what loyalty and commitment mean. What’s love got to do with it?

These times they are a changin’!

To be continued…….