My first appointment today is a lady, early 40’s, divorced, educated, self employed, and her long term is a serious relationship, possibly marriage. Grrrrrrr, it has been a few months since I have interviewed a cougar, but she definitely fits the description. Her age preference for a man is 30 to 35 and her last serious relationship was with a man who was 12 years younger than her. The relationship lasted several years but they had an incompatible long term goal because he wants to have children and she does not.
She said “I told him right from the beginning that I was not interested in having children and he said that was not a problem for him. However, once his brother and sister had babies he decided he would like to have a child. I considered it for a few months, but I know it my heart of hearts I don’t want to have a child at this stage of my life. My business is doing great, I have financial independence, and I want to travel and have fun.”
She thinks men her age or older don’t have enough energy or passion and they look too old. Men who want to date younger women will say much the same thing. My experience has been that age is the least important thing if everything else is there and you find the other person attractive but if someone has a mindset that they “have to” date someone younger, I “have to” pay attention to their preference.
She said “Ideally, I would like to meet a man who does not have children and does not want children.” I told her that would limit her options and we agreed she would consider men who have children as long as they are not too young and he does not have full custody.
Her interest and activities include road biking, hiking, working out, cross country skiing, cooking, wine tastings, live music and travel. She has been to Europe twice, Hawaii several times, a half a dozen cruises, and she would love to go to Australia and New Zealand with someone special.
She said “I have traveled with several men and it is really important to me that I can travel well with someone. I like to have a plan, make reservations, and have everything covered. I went to Europe with a man who thought it would be fun to just go and have a great spontaneous adventure and it was a disaster.”
Based on her scores from the profile test and all of her preferences, I have five men who appear to be good matches for her. Three of them have no children and two of them have children who live in other states. She agreed she would like to be a new client and after we wrapped up signing the contract I could not resist sharing information with her on two other men I think are good matches for her, one of them is 45 and the other is 48. Before I shared their information with her I showed her their pictures, which I don’t usually do.
I said “Physically, what do you think of these two men?”
She said “I think they are both very attractive. Why didn’t you share their information?”
I said “Because one of them is ten years over your upper end age preference and the other one is thirteen years over your upper end age preference, which makes them just four and seven years older than you. They both have one child in college, they are financially stable and love to travel. It could be worth an hour of your time to meet them and see what you think.”
She said “You’re the matchmaker, so I will meet them, but they better be able to get it up, that’s one of the problems with men their age.”
I said “I have two words for you…Viagra and Cialis.”
For better or for worse, men and women are becoming more, and more alike.
My second appointment is a man, early 60’s, widowed, retired, grown children, and his long term goal is a committed relationship which does not include marriage or living together.
He said “I love my home and I want to stay in it ALONE. Overnight stays, or even a weekend visit, is about as much one on one time as I want to spend with someone. Dinner a couple of nights a week, either going out or cooking at home, a trip every two or three months, not lasting more than three or four days, and we split all expenses.”
I said “What else?” I could tell he had more to say.
He said “No damn yappie little dogs and definitely no CATS. No codependent adult children and when grandchildren visit they stay at her house and don’t expect me to come over and entertain or babysit them.
“And what else?”
He said “I don’t like a lady that takes forever to get ready to go somewhere but she still needs to look nice. Don’t ask me to go shopping for clothes or furniture. She better have her own money because I am not going to be supporting someone financially. And someone who knows when to be quiet. I don’t like someone who yak, yak, yaks and doesn’t know when to be quiet. I like to watch Fox news and the History channel. Don’t be asking me to watch “Dancing with the Stars” or any of that crap. And DON’T move anything in my house without asking me.”
I said “Let’s say I can find you a lady who has everything you are looking for, what do you have to offer in return?”
He said “I’m a really nice guy.”
Believe it or not, he does seem like a nice guy and I have a few matches for him. There is someone for everyone!
To be continued…………………………