April 7, 2011

My first appointment today is a man, mid 50’s, divorced, educated, very successful , grown children, and his long term goal is marriage. His last serious relationship ended because she could not make the commitment to marry. He has been dating for over a year, and is surprised how many ladies he has met who do not want to marry again. I said “You have very traditional scores and a lady who is most compatible with you would most likely want to be married.” He said “The last two ladies I was interested in getting to know better were not sure they wanted to be married and I am not going down that road again.” After some conversation, it appeared to me that he was asking them about marriage on the second or third date. I said “Obviously you are sensitive to this issue, but perhaps you are asking them serious questions about their long term goals too soon.” He said “You should know whether or not you want to be married at this stage of the game.” I said “Some people do not KNOW they want to be married until they meet the person they are thinking about marrying.” I told him in 24 years of matchmaking I had plenty of clients say they were unsure about marrying again and they did end up getting married. He said “I want to spend the rest of my life with my wife, not my girlfriend.” I told him I would pay close attention to this issue when I match him. He is a “7” in conformity and an “8” in religion, very traditional and a strong believer and the lady most compatible with him will most likely want to spend the rest of her life with her husband, not her boyfriend. He enjoys a healthy, active lifestyle and appreciates a lady who is healthy and fit. However, he is not looking for a Barbie doll. He said “I like a womanly woman and I would rather be with someone who has some extra weight than someone who is too thin.” Healthy and fit can come in many different sizes.

My second appointment today is a military man, late 20’s, divorced, raising two children on his own, his long term goal is marriage and he is open to having more children. His ex wife dropped their children off at his mother’s house a couple of years ago and then she disappeared. No one has heard from her since that day. One of his coworkers called me initially and asked me if I thought I could help him. While I was talking with her he was also in the room, we spoke and he decided to come in for the interview. He will be in Colorado Springs for a couple of years more then he will move back to the west coast to raise his kids. I said “Where are your kids when you are at work?” He said “My youngest is in daycare and my oldest is in school, that’s why I want to move back home, so they can be raised by family.” When I asked him if he goes to church he said “I try taking my kids to church but they don’t want to go, and every time we do, it’s difficult.” This fellow is doing the best he can, but he was raised by family, and he wants his kids to be raised by family. Because he knows he will be leaving the area in a couple of years, the matches I have for him are limited. However, I do have three ladies who appear to be good matches and two of them are also in the military.
I offered him less matches than my regular programs and he is going to “think about it” and get back to me.

Dating 101…the most often repeated mistake men make, according to feedback from the ladies, has happened again. It was their first meeting, it was dark outside when the meeting ended, she was parked three blocks away, and he did not offer to walk her to her car. I think most of my male clients are gentlemen and it surprises me how often this happens. This lady is just starting to date after a 30 year marriage ended and she could not believe he did not offer to walk her to her car. When I mentioned it to him he said “I thought about that later.” Maybe next time he will think of it sooner rather than later.

To be continued…………………….