December 3, 2011

My first appointment today is a lady, late 40’s, divorced, educated, grown children and her long term goal is a serious, committed, monogamous relationship, possibly marriage. She has been dating a man she met online who told her he was divorced but she recently discovered the divorce is not final. The reality is that he has been separated from his wife for 10 years and they lead very separate lives, she lives in another state. He told her that emotionally he considers himself divorced and he and his wife have both dated and had relationships in the past 10 years. She asked him why they did not divorce. As is often the case, financially it is “cheaper to keep her.” I told her I hear this story all the time and a client and I were discussing it recently when she met a man who was in a similar situation but, to his credit , he told her when they first met that he was still married. Same situation, no emotional connection, separated for years, but it would cost him too much money to divorce her.

I said “My client and I decided we should come up with a phrase for the ladies who stay in that situation and we decided “denial to file” would be appropriate.” She said she would have considered continuing to date him but he had no idea when he might divorce and they had not even filed for separation. She wanted to know if I did background checks to confirm that someone is actually divorced. I told her the contract my clients sign gives me permission to do a background check but whether or not someone is divorced is a matter of public record and I gave her two websites to access if she wants to verify a divorce. I also pointed out that my contract states if you give me any false information I can cancel your membership and keep your money. People do not tell me they are divorced if they are not.

She enjoys theater, concerts, plays, travel, tennis, gardening, light hiking, spending time with her family and friends and golf, lots of golf. She enjoys golfing year round, whenever the weather permits. She said “It is not a show stopper if a man does not golf but it would be nice if he is at least willing to give it a try.” She started golfing four years ago when she met a man who encouraged her to try it. She had no idea how much she would come to love it.

She said “I was going to wait until after the holidays to call you but I read in your daily diary you are offering 50% off all your programs until December 17th and I decided to make this my Christmas present to myself.” As she was walking out the door she was singing “Merry Christmas to me” to the tune of Happy Birthday. Tis the season to be jolly!

My second appointment is a man, late 50’s, widowed, self employed, grown children, and his long term goal is marriage. He interviewed with me four months ago and decided to take advantage of 50% off. He saw it in an ad in the Gazette and was also going to wait until after the first of the year. He wanted to know if a lady I spoke to him about four months ago was still available and I told him she is available. I called her after he left my office and she is ready to meet him.

This is the second year I have offered the 50% off for the last three weeks of the year and it is certainly making for a more active December. January is usually my busiest month in business but it feels like January in December this year. Good, because I have plenty of clients that are still interested in meeting someone new, even three weeks before Christmas. Instead of beginning the new year making your personal life a priority, why not end the year by making your personal life a priority. No time like the present!

To be continued……………………..