February 13, 2012

My first appointment to is a lady, late 40’s, divorced, educated, grown children, and her long term goal is definitely marriage. She is from the Midwest but she has lived in Colorado Springs for over a dozen years and she loves Colorado. Her scores tell me that she is somewhat easy going, shy, nonconforming, very affectionate, spiritual and very frugal.

She said something I hear often, “I have been hearing your radio commercials and seeing your ads for years.” I asked her what inspired her to call at this particular time and it is a combination of not meeting anyone she has been interested in since her last serious relationship ended five years ago, not wanting to try the online services, and becoming an empty nester in the last few months. She knew from listening to coworkers and friends that the online dating was very time consuming, not very effective, and there was no way she was going to put her information and picture online for all the world to see. People very often feel the timing is right to make their personal lives a priority when their last child leaves home.

She is very fit, one of her favorite activities is rock climbing, and she would like to do some hiking and biking with the right person. She is artsy-crafty and enjoys needlework, quilting and knitting. She loves going to plays and classical music.

She said “It took a lot of nerve for me to call you, but I am glad I did. I would never meet the kind of men you are talking to me about on my own. I cannot believe that by answering just 46 questions you can identify that I am shy, nonconforming, very affectionate, spiritual and very budget minded. I am impressed with what your brief profile test tells you about me and I am excited about meeting a man who is much like myself.
I talked with her about four men I think are good matches for her and we agreed on who will be her first match.

She said “Now I’m nervous.” I said “Once you do it once or twice, it will be much easier. All you are agreeing to is taking one hour to meet someone and just go into each of these meetings with no expectation other than this is a nice man who might end up as a friend.” I also gave her a couple of tips that shy people tell me works for them; take three deep breaths before you get out of the car to lower your anxiety level and if you are feeling really nervous in the meeting say “I am nervous”. Then you don’t have to pretend you aren’t, and the other person will almost always say something like “So am I” or “There is nothing to be nervous about.”

I don’t have a shy bone in my body, but after 25 years of matchmaking I have definitely come to understand how much harder it is for shy people to meet someone new for the first time.

My second appointment today is a man, mid 40’s, divorced, educated, self employed, one child in college, and his long term goal is marriage. He said “I am embarrassed to say I have been divorced twice, but I know with the right person I would want to be married again.” He has a lot of company when it comes to the two divorces. I told him when I first got into this business, it was somewhat difficult to match someone who had been divorced twice, but today, it is very common place. It has almost gotten to the point where three divorces are not that unusual.

He said “That is why I decided to call you. I don’t want to go through another divorce, emotionally or financially. I was so in love with my second wife, and so sure it would last forever that, in spite of everyone telling me to do a prenuptial, I did not.” I asked “If you get married again would you have a prenuptial?” He said “You betcha!” Unfortunately, his story is one I have heard many times. They knew each other for three years before they married, long enough to think you really know someone. Everything was wonderful until they married and then “she changed.” I said “My guess is that she didn’t change, she just allowed you to see her as the person she always was once you signed on the dotted line.” He said “You are not the first person to say that to me.”

Reflecting back on the years before they married, there were certainly warning signs along the way, but he always found a way to rationalize it or blow it off. He said one of the things he learned from that relationship and marriage is, from now on, to always listen to his gut feeling…and his sister…and his best friend..his minister…and, you get the picture. If everyone tells you the same thing, everyone can’t be wrong. They say “love is blind, but the neighbors ain’t”..neither are your family and friends. The people who care about you will tell you the truth.

He enjoys doing the Incline, golf, travel, cooking, theater, concerts, reading, “good wine, good food, and good women.”

He said “So moving forward, I am wiping the slate clean, and I truly believe there is one right person out there I can be happy with and love ‘til death do us part. I just have more confidence in your ability to find her than mine.”

I shared information with him on a couple of ladies, and after the second one he said “That’s her, I think she is going to be the love of my life!” I said “It is easy to see how you get in trouble.” I took out my contract and said “Here, sign this, you need my help.” And , he did. He has a great sense of humor and he will be a fun, new client to work with.

It has been awhile since I have said this, and I gotta say it again, “I LOVE MY JOB!”

To be continued………