February 2, 2012

My first appointment today is a lady, mid 30’s, ABS, educated, her long term goal is marriage and she is open to having children.
She said “A couple of years ago I decided not to exclude the possibility of meeting a man who already has children and may not want more children. I always thought I would be a mom but being a stepmom, or meeting a man who does not have children or want children, could be what is in the stars for me. What matters most is meeting the right man.”

She has a friend who met and married her husband through Perfectly Matched several years ago. She recently ran into her and her young daughter at the grocery store and they had a conversation about how she met her husband. Her friend was one of my favorite clients and she has sent me several referrals over the years. Over 60% of my business is referral business and I especially appreciate this lady’s referrals because she leaves nothing to chance. She doesn’t leave it to them to call me, she calls me and gives me their number so I can call them. Whenever a client sends me a referral who becomes a client, I add a match to their program. She is married and does not need any more matches, so I give whomever she refers to me an additional match. She always makes sure to mention that to whomever she is referring to me.

As far as interests and activities, this young lady is quite the athlete. She showed me pictures on her phone of her climbing a mountain, kayaking, skiing, biking, and standing in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. She went on a 10 days biking tour through France.
She said “I am not girly girl. I don’t get my nails done, I wear my hair in a ponytail most of the time, and I wear a dress about every four years when someone talks me into it.”
I said “You are the picture of health and you are beautiful!’
She said “Thank you but, in my last relationship he continued to buy me clothes I hated. I never had a man buy clothes for me. It was his way of letting me know he wanted to see me in a dress or a skirt. I would wear them one time and could not wait to get home and put on my jeans. For Christmas he bought me a $250 certificate to a spa! A spa? The last place I would spend $250 would be a SPA!” When that relationship ended she gave the gift certificate to her sister before it expired.

I asked her about the type of man she finds physically attractive, she said “Find me a down to earth guy who is fit and active, loves the outdoors, wants to travel, makes me laugh, is easy to get along with, is a great communicator, and smart.”
I said “That has nothing to do with physical attraction, what do you find physically attractive?”
She said “If he has all that going for him, I don’t care what he looks like, but if he looks like Brad Pitt, that would be OK, too.”
One Brad Pitt with all the toppings, coming right up!

My second appointment is not going to be a new client, at least not now. Tears is the first few minutes of the interview is very often someone who is not emotionally available, and that is definitely the case with this lady. I try very hard to make sure someone is emotionally available before I invite them in for an interview but, occasionally, it becomes more apparent in the interview. On the phone she told me her last relationship ended six months ago and lasted for only…how long are they going to last if they are not going to last?…..three months. I did not think much of it but as soon as I asked her who choose to end the last relationship, she started to cry.
I asked “When was the last time you talked to him?”
She said “Last night.”
I asked “When was the last time you saw him?”
She said “Last night.”
I asked “When was the last time you were intimate with him?”
She said “Last night.”
At that point, it was pretty easy for me to convince her that she is not emotionally available.
I said “If I was going to match you with a man who was in the same situation with a woman as you are with this man we are talking about, would that be comfortable for you.?”
She said “No, but he keeps calling me and dragging me back into the relationship.”
I said “I can tell you how to end this relationship, if you really want to end it.”
She said “HOW?”
I said “NO communication. No phone calls, no emails, no letters, no texting, NO communication for three months, and it will be over for both of you. Take responsibility for taking control of this situation and don’t respond when he tries to connect with you. Tell him this is over for you and you will not respond to any more of his attempts to connect with you. If he doesn’t respect that, a restraining order could be your last resort.”
She said “If I tell him to leave me alone, I think he will.”
I said “Then if it is really over for you, tell him that.”
We agreed she would call me back when three months has passed with no communication, and she feels she is ready.
All she has to do is tell him to leave her alone, but she is not ready to let go, and I am just hearing HER side of the story.
I wished her well and opened another box of Kleenex.

To be continued…………………..