My first appointment on Wednesday is a “be back”, a man I interviewed in November, who said he would call back after the first of the year. He is late 40’s, divorced, educated and his long term goal is a committed, monogamous relationship.
He said “I don’t think marriage is in the cards for me again. I thought for sure when I married the second time that I would never be going through another divorce, but here I am, divorced twice. When I was divorced from my first marriage I was leery of dating a woman who had been divorced more than once. Now I understand no matter how committed I was, it only takes one person to want a divorce.”
I said “Unfortunately, it is not uncommon today for someone to be divorced twice, even three or four times.”
He has been dating for a few years and has experienced the “three month” scenario several times.
He said “What is it about the three month mark that makes things go south?”
I said “It takes most people about that long to relax and be themselves and that is when you start to identify the things that do, or don’t work. That’s why I encourage my clients to keep it on a friendship basis for the first three months because once you are physically involved you are emotionally involved and it changes everything.”
He said “More often than not, I have not been the one to initiate sex, and what is a man supposed to do? I don’t think it would go over very well if I rejected her.”
I said “Don’t look at it as rejection. Tell her you like to get to know someone better before you take it to the next level.”
He said “That doesn’t sound very manly.”
I said “I think most women would appreciate if you don’t rush into intimacy with them then you probably don’t with other women either. Also, some women believe there is another way to a man’s heart besides his stomach and they can use the intimacy to reel you in. You know it hasn’t worked the way you have been doing it, why not try what I am suggesting?”
He said “OK, coach.”
I said “A lot of my male clients end up calling me coach.”
He enjoys golf, hiking, motorcycle riding, working out, the arts, reading, weekend getaways, some travel, and spending time with family and friends.
He has a great sense of humor and appreciates a woman who likes to laugh and have fun.
He said “I have terrific kids and I told them about you and your service at Christmas. My daughter is thrilled that I am going to do this. In fact, she called me and reminded me to call you.
Because I had interviewed him previously, I was able to have his first match arranged and she has been patiently waiting for me to call her.
She said “So, the man of my dreams finally signed up?”
I said “I’ll keep my fingers crossed!”
My second appointment on Wednesday is a man, late 50’s, widowed, educated, semi-retired and his long term goal is marriage.
He said “I find that women I meet are concerned that I am never going to love anyone as much as I loved my wife and they know nothing about my marriage.”
I said “Many people have a tendency to assume when someone is widowed that they will always be competing with the memory of the deceased wife or husband.”
He said “Our marriage was over for both of us long before she died, but we never divorced because she needed my military benefits. I am very excited to be able to move on and marry the right person.”
I said “Then just tell them that is not true, that you are definitely emotionally available and ready to move on. In fact, I can tell them for you.”
He is a very sweet man, very traditional and a strong believer. He looks for a lady who also has a strong faith and would enjoy going to church with him.
He enjoys daily walks with his dog, events at the Pikes Peak and the Fine Art Centers. He has season tickets to numerous shows and concerts. He loves to cook and appreciates a lady who would enjoy cooking with him. His children live in other states and he visits them often.
He said “I have not dated much in the last few years because I was married and, although our marriage was over, it did not feel right. I have seen and heard your ads for years and I always thought I would call you when the time was right.
Today, the time was right and he is now a new client.
One of my Perfectly Matched couples stopped by my office yesterday. As soon as they walked in the door she held out her hand to show me her engagement ring. I was in an interview so their visit was brief but I am very happy for them. He was a client for two years before she walked through my door and she was a client for two months when I introduced them. He and I had our ups and downs but he could not be happier now and that is very rewarding.
The lady I was interviewing said “Do you hire a couple to come in and do that when you’re interviewing? It sure makes me feel better about doing this.”
She was just kidding but it was great timing.
To be continued…………………………..