July 15, 2012

Donna’s Daily Dairy has been MIA for the last week because I have been in the clouds. I woke up to a black screen on my computer a few days ago, not a good way to start the day. Fortunately, I had my computer backed up by Mozy and a friend was able to help me retrieve everything that was on my old computer. I did not know that information was being stored on a cloud. I have learned more than I ever wanted to know about what happens when you have to download backup info from a cloud. I certainly could not have done it without the help of Dave, who spent two hours helping me on Thursday and five hours on Friday. Thank you, Dave!!!

My first appointment last week is a lady, early 40’s, divorced, educated, no children, and her long term goal is marriage.
She said “I have been meeting men from one of the online services for the last three months and, although I did not meet anyone I was interested in, it was a real learning experience.” She was surprised at the game playing and how the men totally misrepresented themselves and their information.
She said “Most of them were shorter than they listed, some of them lied by three or four inches! Most of them did not look like their pictures, and some of them were just downright rude.” One man told her she was a nice lady but her nose was too big. But the one that inspired her to cancel her membership and call me was a man she was attracted to and interested in who told her at the end of a four hour date that he liked to “swing”…have sex with other couples.

She said “Another issue that came up a couple of times was they thought because I did not have kids that I must be too independent and unable to understand the commitment it takes to be a parent. Motherhood was not in the cards for me but I love kids, and have several nieces and nephews that I am very close to. It was offensive to me for someone who just met me to make that assumption.”

She is active and enjoys hiking, skiing, boating, water skiing, gardening, spectator sports, music, concerts, travel, cooking and entertaining.
She said “I am 100% Italian and grew up with a large family who loves cooking and eating together. Some of my happiest times have been when family and friends are passing the food around the table, the conversation is flowing, and so is the wine!”

I said “What is your age preference as far as a man is concerned?”
She said “I don’t have an age preference. One of my girlfriends is married to a man who is ten years younger than her and another friend has been in long term relationship with a man twenty years older than her.”
We agreed on 33 to 60, but it’s not set in stone. I love it, a 27 year age range that is not set in stone.

My second appointment last week is a man, late 20’s, ABS, retired with medical disabilities from his military service, and his long term goal is a serious, committed relationship, not marriage. He does not want to have children, and he does not want to meet someone who has children.
I asked “Do you not like children?”
He said “No, I am fine with children, but I don’t want my own because in the process of healing from my wounds, they discovered that I have an autoimmune disease that is hereditary and I would not want to take a chance on having a child who might inherit this disease. And as far as meeting someone who does not have children, sometimes this disease knocks me out for a day or two and I don’t think having a child around would be something I would have the energy for. And as far as marriage, I think it is superficial.”

He has tattoos all over his body and because of his health issues, he smokes medical marijuana. He is Buddhist, he writes music and sings, he enjoys walking and hiking, he has 13% body fat, and to look at him you would not know he has any disabilities. His scores are very unique. He is a “9” in affection, a “2” in conformity, and a “3” in religion.
He said “I know I am not going to be easy to match.”
I said “In fact, I can tell you already that I don’t have any matches for you, but I never let anyone walk out of here without giving them some hope. I think my odds of finding her for you are still better than your odds on your own.” I offered him just two matches, with no time frame and told him I would write about him on Donna’s Daily Diary for a start.
He did not even hesitate and now I have the opportunity to help him find what could be a long shot, but it only takes one right one!

He is a really open, honest, genuine person, and I always love helping these young men who have served in the military and sacrificed so much at such a young age.

My third appointment last week is a lady, early 50’s, divorced, educated, grown children, financially secure, successful, and her long term goal is marriage. I met her through another client when I was out and about a few weeks ago and gave her my card. She is very fit, pretty, smart, loves her job which she has done for almost 20 years, excited to be single again, but unsure about dating.
Shortly into the interview she said “I have to tell you the truth. On my way to see you today I wondered why am I doing this. I just don’t think the kind of man I want to meet lives in Colorado Springs, and, if he does, why would he come to a dating service?”
I said “Let me gather the rest of your information and I can tell you if I have the type of man you want to meet.”

Her favorite physical activity is running, which she does six days a week. She is well traveled, and wants to continue to travel. She has been to Italy, Paris, Austria, Germany, England, just to mention a few. She “loves” to cook and entertain. She is very close to her grown children, but they all live out of state.

She was very surprised how much I knew about her from the profile test and just 46 questions.
She said “How do you do that? How can you know so much about me from just six numbers?”
I said “I have worked with this test for 23 years. I know what these numbers mean and it allows me to match you with someone who thinks much the same way as you do in all these important areas. It cannot be a coincidence that the couples who continue to work out are the ones who have the most compatible scores.”

After gathering all her information, I talked to her about four men and she thought they all sound like good matches for her. In fact, one of them made her feel a little “intimidated”.
She said “I am blown away that these kind of men would come to a dating service!”
I said “It is actually harder for people who have a lot to offer to find someone who has as much to offer them in return, and, like you, three of them were referred to be my a current client or friend.”

She said “Donna, I trust you, and I would really like to meet these men, so I am going to do this.”

I spoke to the client whom I met her through and she said “Good job! I know she was very hesitant about coming to see you and now she is so excited to start dating again and relieved to have someone like you to help her.”

My fourth appointment last week is a man, early 60’s, educated, comfortably retired, and his long term goal is marriage.
He said “I have traveled the world, accomplished my financial goals, have a grown child I love dearly, and the only thing of real importance I have not managed to do is get married.”
I said “Do people ask you why you have never married?”
He said “Of course, and I tell them I have not met the right woman at the right time. Now I believe the time is right, I just need to find the right woman. I am not afraid of commitment, I have had a few long term relationships but obviously none that led to marriage.”

He looks much younger than his age, is in great physical shape, very physically active, and decided to talk to me about this because I convinced him to come spent an hour of his time with me. No obligation, no hard sell, no high pressure.
I said “One hour of your time, and I will know if I have matches for you, and, if I don’t, I will tell you that too.”

He prefers to date younger, 48 to 55, but he would consider someone up to his own age.
He said “I know how I am at this age and I believe there could be a woman who has also taken care of herself who could be a good match. However, he feels ideally she would be 50, or early 50’s.

I could hardly wait to talk to him about this one particular client. The more he talked about the type of woman he wanted to meet, the more I thought about her. Finally, I pulled up her file and shared her information.
He said “She seems perfect but I would like to see a picture. I can tell so much about someone’s energy from their picture.” I have several pictures of this lady and she has given me permission to show them.
He said “She is beautiful. I would love to meet her.”
He met her yesterday and let’s just say it went fabulously well. It was so much fun to get his feedback and hear his excitement, and it was definitely mutual. She is 50.

Feedback from a man who has gone out with a lady I introduced him to a few weeks ago.
He said “Donna she is one of these ‘highest, best, and latest offer’ ladies.”
I said “What does that mean?”
He said “She waits until the last minute to commit to a date or a time because she thinks she might get a better offer from someone else. I put up with it a couple of times, but I’m no fool, and I am not going to wait around for someone who can’t make a commitment until the last minute.” She is a new client and this is not the first or second time she has done this. It is time to share this feedback with her and let her know how her actions are being perceived. I am not sure how receptive she will be, but that is one of the advantages of the feedback process. You get the good, and the bad, all in an effort to help you date more effectively.

Highest, best, latest offer…never heard defined that way before. I will remember it for future reference…

To be continued…………..