June 2, 2011

My first appointment today is a man, mid 50’s, divorced, educated, grown kids, self employed and his long term goal is a serious relationship, possibly marriage. He said “Never say never, but I am not sure marriage is desirable.” He almost married the last lady he was in a relationship with and, now he is glad he didn’t. I said “Did the relationship end because you were not interested in marrying her?” He said “No, it ended because she met someone else, but we had talked about marriage and at one time I thought it was a good idea.” He mentioned a recent article in the Gazette which stated that for the first time there are more single people than married people in our country. He said “What does that tell you about marriage?” I said “That over 50% of people today do not see marriage as the preferred option.” He said “You have been in this business for over 20 years. Why do you think being single is the preferred choice?” I said “Because of the internet people have a lot more options as to how to meet someone. It used to be you met someone through a friend, church, bars or the work environment. Today people go all over the world to meet someone they have connected with over the internet. I think so many people with so many options has not boded well for marriage, or relationships.” When I started in this business in 1987 it was uncommon to meet someone who had been divorced more than once and people were skeptical about meeting anyone who had been divorced twice. Now, I would guess that I have almost as many clients who have been divorced two or more times than clients who have been divorced one time. He is active but he also enjoys leisurely pursuits and does not want to be in competition with someone physically to see who can win. He said “Being too competitive with someone you are in a relationship with can take a lot of the fun out of it.” He hikes, bikes, skis, exercises and enjoys travel, theaters, concerts and volunteer work. He is participating in a community garden this year and is open to try new ideas. He said “I want to find one special lady to share the rest of my life with and, considering my track record so far, I think I could use some help.” He was referred to me by his sister who lives out of state but went online and emailed him my website. He said “I go to a professional for every other important part of my life, why not this?”

My second appointment is a lady, late 30’s, divorced, educated, financially secure, two young children and her long term goal is marriage. She was the primary wage earner in the marriage and she pays him alimony, child support and maintenance. She said “One of the main reasons I came to you is because I want to meet a man who is on an equal level with me financially.” She joined one of the free online dating services and dated a man she really liked for several months. She said “We had so much in common, got along great, I was attracted to him and thought it might develop into something special until his wife called me.” I told her the biggest complaint I hear from women who do online services is that they meet married men. She said “I know your service is not inexpensive and I feel someone who is serious enough to pay your fee is serious about finding the right person.” She also likes that I verify a valid driver’s license and my contract states if you give me any false information I can cancel the contract and keep the money. My contract also gives me the option to do a background check. I rarely feel that is necessary but if someone has told me on the phone they are divorced and then they read my contract and realize they could lose their money for misrepresenting themselves, I will do a background check. She asked if I offer membership to people who are not yet divorced. I said “I always tell them it will work better if they wait until the divorce is final but sometimes there are extenuating circumstances prolonging the divorce and they are ready to move on.” If someone is not yet divorced I share that information with whomever I am matching them with and they have the opportunity to decline. I am more likely to offer membership to a lady who is not yet divorced than a man because many men will meet a lady who is not yet divorced but most women will not meet a man who is not yet divorced. However, I rarely have ladies calling me who are not divorced. In addition to financial compatibility she wants a man who is a good match intellectually. She is tall, pretty, fit, active and is not looking for anymore than she has to offer. She has not dated since her early 20’s and looks forward to the help and guidance I will provide her as she goes through the process. She said “I have my children to consider and that makes this decision much more important than it was the first time I married.”

My Dad got his epidural and the pain is much more under control but he is still in ICU. He and I have become very aware of how much our relationship is based on making each other laugh because, with his five broken ribs, every time he laughs, it hurts. We have tried to tone it down but it is not always something we can control, it just pops out. His feet are always cold and he has told all of us kids that when he dies he wants to make sure we put three pair of socks on him. Don’t even bother thinking “But he will be dead”. He knows that, but he still wants three pair of socks on him. He said “Hon, they took my socks off and my feet are cold. Would you put another pair on for me?” I went to put on the socks and he already had a pair on. I said “Dad, you have on socks already.” He said “Well, my feet are still cold, put on another pair.” I said “OK, but then you are just one pair of socks away from being dead.” Laughter, scream…… sorry.

To be continued…………………………