My first appointment today is a lady, late 20’s, ABS (always been single), educated, her long term goal is marriage and possibly children.
She said “My father abandoned my mother, my siblings and me, when I was very young and I have a hard time believing that I can trust a man. I don’t know if I can have children with someone unless I know they won’t abandon me, and I don’t know if that’s possible.” She has had two significant relationships and they both ended because she did not believe she could trust either of them.
I said “Two relationships are not a big basis of comparison, and perhaps you were right not to trust those men. I have to say the same thing to you that I say to many of my clients, maybe you just have not yet met the RIGHT man, but, you must believe that he exists, or you will never find him.” She has not done any counseling in reference to this issue and I encouraged her to seek professional guidance. She said she would consider it, but my sense was that she is not very interested.
I continued with the rest of the interview, but at the end of our hour together, she said she just was not sure she will ever find a man she can trust. If you think you can’t, you can’t.
I told her I will keep her paperwork and if she changes her mind I would love to hear from her. I hope she gets the helps she needs. She seems so sad.
My second appointment is a man, mid 30’s, divorced, educated, grade school children, and his long term goal is marriage.
He said “I have never dated. I married my high school sweetheart and now fifteen years later, with kids and a busy career, I am suppose to start DATING? It sounds so juvenile.”
I said “Then let’s call it something else.”
He said “Like what?”
I took out my dictionary and we looked up dating: “To have a social engagement with a person of the opposite sex.”
He laughed and said “The word “sex” I can relate to, but not “dating.”
We agreed if we decide to work together my job will be to set up a social engagement with a person of the opposite sex with the potential for sex. Suddenly dating now sounds like fun!
I love it when there is a lot of laughter in the interview, and that was certainly the situation with this man. He is nonconforming, has a dry sense of humor, and a very quick wit.
He said “I decided to approach this like any other project, find a professional. I went to Google and found myself reading your daily diaries. There were a few ladies that sounded like someone I would like to meet, especially one of the cougars. If a lady has a good sense of humor that is a huge plus.”
He enjoys golf, kayaking, skiing, music, spectator sports, good food and good wine.
He said “I am ready to wine and dine and dance. I have been divorced for over two years and I have spent most of that time focusing on my kids and my work. The summer is coming and I want to get out play.”
He is very open on his preferences as far as age, height, race, income, education.
He said “You already nailed me as a nonconformist, so stretch your imagination and take me out of my comfort zone.”
Be careful what you ask for. His first match is going to be the cougar who is ten years older than him, and LESS conforming than him.
Dating ain’t what it used to be!
To be continued……….