March 1, 2011

My first appointment today is a lady, early 50’s, highly educated, divorced from a man I matched her with 12 years ago. I do not actually know how many couples who met and married through Perfectly Matched have divorced but I am aware of about a half a dozen. This lady and I had worked together through several matches before he came along and they married after a brief courtship. I often say that one of the truest statements about dating is “The ones that start fast, end fast.” In this case, that statement is only half true. Their relationship started fast but it definitely did not end fast. Although, according to her, the marriage had been lonely and over for both of them for years. She is not ready to start dating but she wanted to reconnect with me and give me an update. She is at that fine line where dating again feels exciting and scary at the same time. She is going to keep in touch with me and, when the time is right, we will start working together again. She has sent me several referrals over the years and she said “I still believe in your method of matching and I know you will introduce me to some quality men.” I look forward to working with her again.

My second appointment is also a lady in her early 50’s, divorced, educated, financially secure, physically fit, and her goal is a serious, long term, committed relationship and, although she would never say never, she leans towards not wanting to be married. She is fit and active and she wants a man who is fit and active. She said “I work hard to stay fit and live a healthy life style and I would want the man in my life to do the same.” She enjoys skiing, hiking, spinning, theaters, concerts, plays, music, has a time share in Mexico and loves to cook. In my 23 years of matchmaking it would be hard not to notice how women are becoming as focused on the physical appearance as men have always been and how women are less inclined to “settle” for a man who does not meet most of their preferences. The great equalizer appears to be income. When I was growing up my mother said “It is just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man. Find a rich man and you won’t have to worry about anything.” The expectation was that I would get married and have kids and if you weren’t married by the time you were 20 you were considered an old maid. I doubt that there many mothers today telling their daughters “marry a rich man and you won’t have anything to worry about.” First of all, there are more divorces today than marriages and your rich man today could be someone’s rich man tomorrow. Secondly, women can make as much money as a man today and have control of their own money and lives. There is an old saying “he who controls the money in the relationship, controls the relationship.” Compatible incomes can be a very important part of a relationship. Income reflects life style choices and someone who has as many choices as you will be more compatible. She said “You take care of the compatibility, shared interests, income and all that other stuff, then make sure he is young at heart and doesn’t have a big gut.” She knows what she wants which will make my job much easier!

To be continued…………………