May 8, 2011

Obviously I am a little behind with last week’s Daily Diary.

My first appointment on Wednesday is a man, late 50’s, divorced, educated, grown children, a realtor, and his long term goal is marriage. He has been divorced for several years and has had two serious relationships. He said “I ended both of those relationships because I could not see myself marrying either of those ladies. They were perfectly fine, lovely ladies, but in my heart of hearts, I came to realize that neither of them would be someone I could see myself marrying.” He feels badly that he has hurt two ladies, as much as he wants to find the right lady, he does not want to hurt someone else. This is a situation I hear about often, especially from people out of long term relationships who have no basis of comparison to better know the kind of person who is most right for them. The easiest way to get over heartache is to fall in love with someone else right away. I don’t recommend it. The hardest thing to do is become emotionally available again to be in a good place to meet the right person. That requires spending time alone and being comfortable with your own company. Generally speaking, taking one month for every year you were in the relationship works for most people. That does not mean you should not date, have fun, make friends, explore your options. If fact, that is what you should do when a long term relationship ends, WHEN you are emotionally available. When I asked him his younger end age preference for a lady he said “late 40’s.” When I asked him his upper end age preference he said “How old are you?” I said “64.” He said “64”….bit of a flirt and very charming. He is active and fit but he is ready to slow down and relax more. He said something else I often hear, “I loved being married. I loved being in love and I miss being in love.” That’s a lot of love!

My second appointment is a lady, late 50’s, divorced, highly educated, a child in college, her long term goal is a serious, long term relationship, possibly marriage. Her two favorite activities are hiking and skiing, she does a ton of hiking. She also enjoys anything on the water, swimming, water skiing, tennis, snowshoeing, and traveling. She is not looking for someone to share all of those activities, but sharing some of them would be ideal. She has not had a serious relationship since she has been divorced but now that her child is in college, she is ready to make her personal life a priority. It has been almost 30 years since she has dated and even the word “dating” sounds strange to her. She said “I never thought I would be this age and dating.” When I talked with her about exploring her options she said “Oh Donna, just get this right on the first one, that would be fine with me.” I said “That happens occasionally, but if you are in a process that allows you to explore your options, why not take advantage of it?” She said “Because meeting someone new is not easy for me.” I said “Of course not, you haven’t done it for 30 years, and once you do it once or twice, it’s not so hard.” She agreed to try it my way and she is excited to being doing something about this important part of her life. When she was walking out the door she said “If you do get it right the first time I will double your fee.” I said “I will see what I can do.” A “bonus” person when I least expected it. I often mention how people have offered me different bonus’s over the years, usually men, and even when I have accomplished whatever it was, I never got the bonus. Today, mostly for fun, I have them put their bonus offer in writing, but she was walking out the door. The reality is that a bonus does not change a thing I can do about having the right match, it depends on who walks through my door.

To be continued…………………………………