November 1, 2011

My first appointment today is a lady, early 50’s, divorced, educated, successful, financially secure, her long term goal is a serious, committed relationship, and possibly marriage. I have not interviewed a “cougar” lately, and she definitely qualifies. Her age preference for a man is 40 to 48. She said “I am more attracted to younger men and I have no doubts that I can keep up with someone fifteen years younger than myself.” She is very fit and active and mountain biking is her favorite physical activity, other than intimacy. She said “I am a very physical person in all areas of my life, including sex, which is another reason I prefer younger men.” She also enjoys cross country skiing, kayaking, climbing 14er’s, boating, yoga, music, concerts, symphonies, reading, politics, meditating and travel. She has traveled all over the world, including third world countries. She said “Traveling is a life experience I would really enjoy sharing with someone special.” I have been a Matchmaker for 24 years and I find myself saying the same thing to older women who prefer to date younger that I have said to men all along, “Why limit yourself by not dating up to at least your own age?” Now I get the same response from women that I have always heard from men, “Because they couldn’t keep up with me and I wouldn’t find them attractive.” And, I say the same thing to women that I have always said to the men, “What if they could keep up with you, and what if you do find them attractive?” I recently made a match with a lady who is 64 and she was hesitant about meeting a man who is 72 but she agreed to meet him because in every other way he appeared to be a good match. He went into the meeting knowing that she had some concerns about their age difference. During the meeting she said “If Donna called you and said she had a great match for you that could keep up with you and she thought you would find attractive, and she was 80 years old, would you want to meet her?” With no hesitation, he said “Absolutely not.” Instantly, he realized that was the age difference between the two of them. Women may still be working on breaking through the glass ceiling when it comes to equal incomes, but they have already broken through the glass ceiling when it comes to relationships, and today their expectations are very much the same as men. I do have a few men who are good matches for this lady but they will have some reservations about her age. She said “I know you said you don’t show pictures, but I want you to show my mine.” Then she shared four pictures with me she would like me to show them if they are concerned she might be too old for them. I think it is highly unlikely any of them are going to say “no”. Grrrrrrrr.

My second appointment is a lady, early 40’s, ABS, self employed, and her long term goal is marriage. She said “I get so tired of people asking me why I have never been married, I never know what to say.” I said say this, “I have not meet the right person and, in the meantime, I have not settled for less.” She said “I like that, I am going to write it down for future reference.” Although she has always been single, she has some significant relationship history, including a relationship that lasted almost ten years. When I asked her why they did not marry she said “There were times when I wanted to and he didn’t, and there were times where he wanted to, and I didn’t. We were never on the same page when it came to marriage and ultimately we decided we were better off just being friends.” She is still friends with him and his wife, and occasionally they get together for dinner. In fact, they have introduced her to a couple of their male friends, but it was not a love match. She plays competitive volleyball, enjoys hiking, concerts, spending time with her friends and family, and cooking. She is quite tall, and would prefer a man who is at least six feet tall. Because we are eliminating all men under six feet, and all other things considered, I have three possible matches for her. I offered her less matches than my regular programs and she is going to “think about it” and get back to me. She said “I am actually surprised that you have even three matches and I do like that there is no time frame on your service.” As she was leaving I said “Remember, it only takes one right one.” She said “I saw that in your ad in the Gazette, which is why I called in the first place.” My gut feeling is that she will be back.

My third appointment is a man, early 60’s, divorced, educated, self employed, semi-retired, grown children, and his long term goal is marriage. He said “I love being married, that’s why I have done it three times, and I think fourth time is the charm.” He laughed and said “I know I am laughing, but this is not a laughing matter, and I am serious about wanting to find the right lady this time.” His daughter met me at a fund raiser a couple of months ago and told me she was going to try to get him to call me. She thought I would be a good match for him, but our “scores” are not compatible, and I have no desire to get married. He enjoys the arts, concerts, plays, reading, eating healthy and staying fit. He prefers to travel close to home, as opposed to out of the country, Santa Fe is a favorite place. He is traditional and a strong believer, somewhat out going, a romantic, very stable and down to earth. As he shared his relationship history with me, I realized he is the kind of person who wears his heart on his sleeve. I think he trusts too easily, and believes too readily. I told him if he and I are going to work together I would like him to approach each lady he meets with the attitude of “ask not what you can do for them, but rather, how do they work for you.” He said “Are you saying I’m a pushover?” I said “I am saying I would like to help you find a lady who will appreciate what a kind, generous man you are, and won’t take advantage of you.” He said “Oh, I see, you are saying I’m a wimp.” Again, he laughed and, surprisingly, after three divorces, he does not harbor any anger or animosity towards any of his ex-wives. He said “I have no regrets about the decisions I have made but at this point I know two things; I want to be married again, and I don’t want to be divorced again.” He also likes the idea of working with a professional Matchmaker. He said “I have often wondered how these services work and I look forward to the experience.” His age preference for a lady is 55 to 65. There is at least one man left in his 60’s who will date in his own age range, hallelujah!

To be continued………………….