November 30, 2010

My first appointment today is a lady, late 40’s, recently divorced, educated, grown children, her long term goal is a committed relationship, possibly living together, possibly marriage. She said “Marriage doesn’t mean what it used to, and I don’t believe in it like I used to.” I said “What did it used to mean?” She said “When I married I honestly thought I would stay married for the rest of my life, like my mother, and my grandmother, and my great grandmother, but we both worked, made a ton of money, never saw much of each other except for vacations, which were great, and we grew apart.” I said “Why do you think you grew apart?” She said “I’m not sure.” I said “My guess is because you both worked and never saw much of each other except on vacations…with three kids.” Tears. Tears in an interview almost always reflects someone is not yet emotionally available. I understand AND respect that there is a fine line between being emotionally available and when meeting new people can help you move on. One month for every year is a good rule of thumb. However, the person who chooses to end the relationship usually has an easier time moving on. We agreed she is going to focus on getting through the holidays and get back to me. The holidays can be very difficult for someone in her position but I think she left with the thought that she has options. Options are a great thing to have.

I had my one millionth conversation about physical attraction today, or so it seems. I decided to go to the dictionary to see what Webster has to say about “physical attraction”. There was physical chemistry, physical education, physical geography, physical science, and physical therapy, but no physical attraction. I decided to break the two words down and Webster says “physical” means a lot of stuff but what applies to my interest is, and I quote from Webster’s “ 5.a) Of the body as opposed to the mind (physical exercise) b) preoccupied with bodily or sexual pleasures; carnal.” Attraction, again Webster’s and, again to my interest but I am going to copy the entire definition of attraction “1. The act of attracting. 2. Power of attraction; esp., charm or fascination 3. Anything that attracts or is meant to attract (movies are sometimes called attractions) 4. Physics THE MUTUAL ACTION BY WHICH BODIES OR PARTICLES OF MATTER TEND TO DRAW TOGETHER OR COHERE: as opposed to repulsion.” Which means your body is in control of your mind and you are preoccupied with bodily or sexual pleasures and if you are especially charming and fascinating you have a much better chance of “cohering”, as opposed to repulsing. Love doesn’t make the world go round and neither does money, it’s physical attraction. Unfortunately, it is not a good barometer.

I have a new parakeet and he is the most “people person” parakeet I have ever had. He is my fourth parakeet, counting the one I grew up with and shared with two brothers and a sister. I took my grandson with me and he paid for it, as he insisted. We watched about 50 parakeets in one cage for at least a half an hour. We mutually agreed on a small, almost white parakeet that mixed and mingled with all the others and when confronted with the most aggressive parakeet he gave him a quick peck and got the hell out of his way. We named him Frosty, because he is almost white and because of the season. It has been a very interesting experience with Frosty and Jacob, my grandson. From the very minute I allowed Jacob to put his hand in the cage Frosty jumped on his finger and let Jacob do whatever he wanted. I was walking to my bedroom and I hear Jacob saying to Frosty “And this is your owner’s room, she’s really nice and you’ll like her.” I said “What are you doing?” He said “I am giving Frosty a tour of your house.” That bird never flew off his finger and let him walk around for over an hour. My daughter called and said “He is obsessed with Frosty.” I said “What do we do?” She said “Nothing, he will get over it.” I picked Jacob up from school and took him home today so he could spent an hour with Frosty. Frosty pooped on him a half a dozen times and he was ready to go home. Somehow, I think this does have something to do with matchmaking and physical attraction. Draw your own conclusions….

To be continued……………………….