September 7, 2011

My first appointment today is a man, early 50’s, divorced, educated, grown children, self employed, financially stable, and his long term goal is marriage. He said “I have been divorced for over four years and I have had two significant relationships with two very nice ladies but, I did not feel the desire to marry either of them and I know marriage is what I want with the right lady.” Reflecting back on those relationships he realizes that both ladies were more enthusiastic about him than he was about them. I said “Why do you think you did not feel as enthusiastic?” He said “One of them was as sweet as she could be but I was not that attracted to her. The other I was attracted to but she had anger issues I could see being a problem in the future. If I could take the sweetest of the first lady and the attraction to the second lady and have that in one person that would be ideal.” I told him that is exactly what I do when I start matching a new client and they provide me with their feedback, try to line up all the things I have learned from their feedback and find the one right person who has all, or most, of those attributes. He has seen my ads for years but thought he would find the right lady on his own. He has come to realize that is not so easy and he truly is ready to marry again. He said “I’m not getting any younger and I am looking for a better way to find the right person.” He enjoys hiking, cross country skiing, golf, sporting events, theater, travel, concerts, and spending time with his family and friends. I have some great matches for him but he is not interested in exploring all his options. He said “If you could get this right on the first match that would be just fine with me.” This time I have to say I did not see it coming, but he is a “bonus guy”. He said “Donna, if the first lady you match me with turns out to be the right one, I will double your fee.” I said “OK, anytime someone offers me a bonus today I get it in writing because over the years even when I have succeeded somehow the bonus never happens.” At the bottom of the contract he added “If I marry the first lady I meet through Perfectly Matched I will pay Donna an additional $5000.” I said “That is much more than double.” He said “I really want to inspire you.” Alrighty then, I AM inspired.

My second appointment is a man, early 60’s, divorced, grown children and grand children, semi-retired, his long term goal is a serious, committed relationship, he is not interested in marriage. I almost did not book him when I spoke with him initially on the phone and, once again, my instincts were correct. First of all, he has unrealistic physical expectations. He is short, overweight, inactive, on a scale of “0” to “10” I would rate him a “4” or “5” as far as physical attraction, and he wants to meet a fit, active, VERY attractive lady between the ages of 40 to MAYBE 55, but under 50 would be preferred. He thinks being intimate sooner rather than later is a good idea because “if that does not work I don’t want to waste my time.” I told him I recommend to my clients that they date three months before they are intimate because so many relationships that seem to have potential in the beginning do not make it past the three month mark. It takes most people that long to get relaxed enough and be themselves and that is when you start to identify the things that do or don’t work. Once you are physically involved, you are emotionally involved and it takes the focus off the friendship and puts it on the intimacy. It is much easier to walk away if you have not been intimate. He said “That’s ridiculous, I am not going to spend three months wining and dining someone before I get in her pants.” At that point the interview was over for me but I thought I would have some fun with him. I said “When do you expect to be intimate?” He said “By the third date.” I said “Has that worked for you so far? You just told me a few minutes ago that your last serious relationship was seven years ago and since then you have not had anything you consider to be a serious relationship.” He said “I think you are a smartass.” I said “I can guarantee you I do not have one single lady who would be interested in meeting you.” I stood up, he stood up and as he walked out the door he said “I don’t know how you stay in business if this is how you treat a prospective new client.” I did not say a word and he walked out the door. I opened all my windows and sprayed air freshener and turned on the air conditioner because, in addition to everything else, he smelled bad. Just reminder to trust my gut feelings.

Tomorrow I have two appointments, both ladies and both referrals. I have already met one of them socially and she is adorable. Also tomorrow I am going to write about my online experience with a dating service. After all these years of hearing about them I decided to try one. It was a real eye opener and learning experience. Long story short, I lasted 10 days.

To be continued………